So, I eat. But hours later I "feel" hungry again.
Sometimes I talk myself out of it, but other times I stuff my face with comfort foods. I know it is impossible that I am actually hungry, but I continue to look for that ghost meal that will make me "feel" less hungry. A"meal" that makes me feel the contentment that being full brings. Even though I know it isn't real hunger, I still want it.
It's almost been three years since I started losing weight, and I'm still dealing with the same mindset I had when I weighed 340lbs. Every day isn't always a fight but staying on track can be difficult to navigate when your mind tells you to do otherwise. I know that over eating is a choice. I dont have to do it. But that doesn't always stop me.
Overeating tends to make me feel numb to whatever is going on that makes me uneasy. Right now it's PMS, my emotions are swinging all over the place, I'm irritated at whatever. I'm already thinking of how to get my favorite comfort food and how good I will feel when I eat it. And tomorrow....I will feel better, But then again...maybe I won't.
The problem isn't the food, it's the power we give it. Food is for nutrition and survival. But when attached to our emotions its becomes a dangerous outlet.
I used to think if I was consciously aware of everything I put in my mouth, I would make better choices, And in the past I did. I used to record every single morsel, feeling bad when it wasn't within my caloric range, But at some point, I realized that sometimes it's the conscious choices that we make under emotional distress that have the biggest impact. And if you're just an emotional person, you have a harder time than most. I realize that I will always struggle with the thoughts that pass through my head. But one day I may learn now to disconnect them from eating. Until then..it goes on.
