At 330 lbs, I hated having conversations about my weight. I would visit friends and relatives on pins and needles just waiting for the dreaded weight loss conversation. You know the one that goes something like:
My mother size 8: If I could just lose 20 lbs
Me (in my head with eye roll) I am not having this conversation, shut up!!
My dad, while eating ice cream: So how much weight have you lost?
Me (in my head with painful eye roll) OMG, LEAVE ME ALONE... shut-up!!
My brother while chugging a protein drink and lifting a 20 lbs weight: You really need to get that weight off.
Me while sucking teeth, rolling eyes, and chicken necking: LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Well meaning family friend: You know I love you, but you really need to get that weight off, Its not good for you, this is what I did.
Me (in my head, with a blank smile) FOR REAL. My dad put you up to this right?.... I'll kill him!!!
My uncle, who cherishes me: Ain't nothing wrong with you girl...
Me (in my head with a smile) You've a little tipsy and maybe a little blind. I love you but, have you seen my...
Then there is the at work conversation that goes something like:
Random size 10-12 women: I ate like a pig this weekend
Me (in my head) while eating my lunch: Seriously...
I cant tell you how many time I've walked away from conversations wanting to scream. I felt hurt, confused, misunderstood and mostly that no one loved me for me. I wanted to be left alone. I felt like they were embarrassed by my obesity and wanted me to change so they wouldn't look bad. (So yep theres drama again)
But seriously, having conversations about weight usually led to hurt feelings and resentment.
Telling a person they need to lose weight is pointless. THEYKNOW THEY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! They haven't accepted it.
Telling a person they need to lose weight is pointless. THEYKNOW THEY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! They haven't accepted it.
As I now look back on pictures of myself I remember knowing how big I was, I was conscious of it at with every movement. But I had no idea what to do about it. Telling myself I need to lose weight is the easy part. Losing the weight was much harder. Being in my body, shuffling all that weight was my normal, I was used to it. As with most things, it is always easier to just keep doing what you know even if it is killing you.
Obesity is a physical acknowledgment of overeating, visible to everyone around you, inescapable. If you keep going, you'll be on a CPAP machine and blood pressure medicine forever. No matter how much your family loves you, they can't do it for you. At some point you have to decide...you have to DO something. But if you try to lose weight, you might fail again, or you might succeed.
On the other side of 330 I understand what my family saw. I understand that they were concerned about my health and quality of life. Maybe, they didn't know how to address it and they did the best they could to help. And for that I am grateful. I wouldn't say that any of their words motivated me to lose the weight, but the fact that they cared enough to try means so much more now.
Obesity is a physical acknowledgment of overeating, visible to everyone around you, inescapable. If you keep going, you'll be on a CPAP machine and blood pressure medicine forever. No matter how much your family loves you, they can't do it for you. At some point you have to decide...you have to DO something. But if you try to lose weight, you might fail again, or you might succeed.
On the other side of 330 I understand what my family saw. I understand that they were concerned about my health and quality of life. Maybe, they didn't know how to address it and they did the best they could to help. And for that I am grateful. I wouldn't say that any of their words motivated me to lose the weight, but the fact that they cared enough to try means so much more now.
Back then I didn't realize how bad I felt until I started feeling bettter. Feeling good and having more energy trumps feeling bad any day. In order to keep that "good feeling", I'll have to keep the weight off. I have no idea how it'll get done, but im definitly willing to find out.
