Pretty please

Earlier today my sister (in law) said she needed to get her nails done.

She said she needed something to make her feel like a woman....

While I am totally familiar with the thought of not feeling quite as feminine as you could or should, I found it strange that she would say it.

Later on that day it dawned on me.  She didn't just need a manicure, she needed to feel pretty   She mentioned that when my brother used to always tell her she's pretty. And while she never took him seriously, it obviously made its impact on her.   In fact, it is one the many things I liked best about him. Sometimes when I was visiting we would be out somewhere shopping or hanging out, he would look at her and say to me " Isn't my wife pretty"? I don't know about most of you but I happen to be very partial to my sister in law, not only is she a good person, she is beautiful.  She may never understand how he really felt but I knew. In those moments I could see her through his eyes, I felt his love for her.  Even though he isn't here, his words are still in my mind.  I miss him and  I miss those things he said about her and to her.  I can only imagine how much she misses him saying them too.

My sister (in law) have always been friends.  We have a common thread, we are both "middle only girls" me of two boys, she of four.  While this may seem like an ideal position in a family of boys, it is not the utopia imagined. We may be daddy's girl (by default there's no competition) but neither of us grew up believing ourselves to be the pretty princess of the family. Never spoiled or coddled, we at times fought to show our brothers we deserved respect. We were called rough or tomboy, never pretty or princess.

But life has a way of making it up to you.  She married a man who loved her and believed her to be the prettiest woman in the world.

It my forty seven years it is not often that I have been told I'm pretty much less believe the mouth that it came from except dad (who could be partial) But a word said from the right person at the right time means so much more than when thrown casually around.  She had that once and now it's gone. My heart aches at the thought that he is no longer here to say the things that she needs to hear. So  now, my nephews and I  do what my brother no longer can.  We make her feel loved.

It's only human to want to be loved, appreciated and on occasion told that you are pretty (yes men too!) we all need to know that someone sees us in a way we don't see ourselves, we need admiration, confirmation and sometimes convincing that we, in our imperfect state, are indeed lovable. We need to be told that we are smart, sexy, intelligent, funny, pretty (handsome) and sometimes even beautiful.

The power of being told you are pretty is real.  Just as deep and meaningful as love.  Next time you have a chance, use your power. Give a girl a gift.  Tell her she's pretty.